Never Let Me Go

(For Bea)

I remember the way you’d dance on the edge of the earth
While the whole world stood still just to stand by your side.
And as angels lit your path through the darkness of depression
You would calmly glide, gracefully, across this stage called life.
And with your eyes shut so tight and your heart kept wide open
You’d somehow lift me into a trance, far away from the bruises
And the heartache that chased me down into Neverland.
Just like Tink, you’d send your dust and we’d be up and away
Not for an instant daring to even touch the ground because we knew—
We knew the second we did the truth would come rushing in
Force us to face our flaws, confront our demons, and live—just live.

But we didn’t know how.
So we jumped across rooftops and waltzed along the moon
Hands held so tightly together our fingerprints forever kissed
Stealing away our souls as they blended together, forever one.
So close our heart raced to the same cadence, to the same beat
So close our dreams bled into the day, crept into our minds
So close that our very fantasies leaked into our circulation
That same circulation that breathed life into me and out of you—

I remember wishing on endless nights under countless stars
That somehow you’d think of me kindly, jump from your heaven
And come home. Break through the laws set up by physics and religion
Kick open the grave and dance your way back into me.
And like a child I kept my fingers crossed and my teddy bear close
Holding on so tightly I felt my arm bend into my ribcage, praying—

And with a thousand tears I slid into a new delirium like one we’ve never known
Just breathing in the madness these people call living while I waited (I’m still waiting).
And as my bones break in the silence and my feet ache from the ritual that was us,
I’ll learn to dance back into your light, back into what can never be
Because deep in my core, I know you are sneaking into my shadow
Still following my simple step, listening in to the rhyme of my broken strings
Patiently waiting for the final hour, the beautiful end to a perfect fate
That’s tied me and you and you and I so close that in my every breath
I breathe you.