I remember those sticky California nights when the angels would grace my window
And soothe my beating heart to bed tonight, with stories about David and Solomon
Hoping one day I too would be as brave and fearless as the many heroes before me.
And while my grandmother sang praises and my mother’s prayers filled the room
With hands so tight the sweat stained my sheets with her sacred brand of holy water,
Her own sacred spells sending me off into the wonders of my imagination—the night
The dark blanket covered over me like wool as Disney’s lies slid under and into my mind
And just like every other foolish girl, I kept my fingers crossed waiting for some Prince
That same he who’d come into my chambers and rescue a love-torn me. Save me sweet.
On nights like these when the wind gently danced across the window pane of my heart
And the sky blew into my fantasies the simplest love poisoned potion promising forever
I drafted the sketch of the same he—that same you—who might someday rob me away.
But greater days and greater pains fell upon me as high school hit me like concrete
While the fall never quite broke and my lungs begged for the oxygen I’d granted away
To candied cigarettes and tightly rolled brown paper filled with half-empty promises
and crowded smoke.
You crept into my space like a hero intending to save me—or was it to learn me?
Either way, you had earned me gained me, and maybe even loved me. Saved me and
broke me.
You breathed me in and took me, off into the night on a magic carpet ride
Under the sea and beneath the tide, into your castle and we waltzed on, into the tower
awaiting your kiss, away with the dragons and into your midst.
And forever and always I was yours.
Thoroughly and naively prepared to run away into the darkness of your energy
The shadows of your word, the cool air of your touch, the deception of your eyes.
Wholly and willing yours. So much so I cast away myself to breathe you, exhaled my
sanity to see you, pushed away my mind to know you
Half as well as you could clearly see me. And as I gave you my dying breath
Like a thief in the night you ran off with my heart, my soul, and all.
Broken, yet not quite defeated, I rose. Searched through the maze and lost my fate.
Six years too late, I heard wedding bells in the distant with some stranger in my dress:
The thief in the tux.
And while my tears cried oceans, river, and planets full, I heard you whisper faintly,
“I do.”
My hands, shaking, my mind, breaking, my heart, begging.
Begging that somehow this dream, this prophecy might fail and come envious sunrise
You’d carry into the sky, hold me too tight, and promise me forever it’s alright.
And I pinched every pore until the unbearable truth saw through:
A hero or a thief? No more difference in sight than I’ll see tonight.
So take my heart and with my dreams, you’ll break it.
But if ever that ring should sit too heavy and your mind tempts you back to simpler times
Look into your locket and hope that there you still might find it:
A heart broken too soon, a dream rising by noon.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Mr or Ms Fantastic
So I was talking to one of the cast members who told me he wrote a list of what he was looking for and handed it out to his friends and now he has been with that person for over 20 years. So here are my requirements for Mr. OR Ms. Fantastic (because “Mr. Right” is just not good enough)
Someone with a super chill personality. I don’t want any more crazies. I can’t take it.
Someone who can live the Bohemian life with me. I’m not all that into “belonging” to anyone. I want my freedom. I want to know I can go out, have a damn good time and not have to worry about (s)he worrying. I want to know (s)he is having a good time too. I want to flirt with whoever I want and I want the person I am dating to be secure enough to know that no matter what (s)he is the person I’m going home with. Also I never want to get married. It's just not on my to-do list and I want her/him to be okay with that.
Someone intelligent. I’m tired of dumbing myself down. And my kind of intelligent. I don’t know science and math and I don’t want to. Someone who knows literature and art and theatre. Well. Also a gender person would be AMAZING because I could talk about gender ALL NIGHT.
Someone fun. Someone who goes out and can be the life of the party. Someone who can have fun no matter where they are.
Someone confident. No more insecure people.
Someone who can dance. And dance well with me because I’ve met good dancers who just have terrible dancing chemistry when it comes to me.
Someone with a decent sex drive. But on that note, I don’t want to have sex every night. I want nights that we just stay up all night talking. About nothing and everything.
Someone I can talk to for hours and just get lost in the conversation. Like not even be able to tell anyone what we were talking about because I was just that lost in the moment.
Someone in the arts but no writers and no drummers. Too much noise (drummers). Too much competition and emotions and feelings (writers).
Someone funny. I know that’s dumb to add because most people make me laugh but I just can’t imagine my life without someone who can cheer up. I need that.
Someone who is a “text” person. I love reading. And I love talking about style and choices and I need someone to argue with me and talk with me about this kind of stuff.
Someone who can play sports with me. And sports that I like. I hate football and I hate Frisby. I will not play them. Volleyball and soccer are preferable. There is nothing sexier than playing a game of Volleyball with someone for hours and then grabbing a beer and just talking about life. That’s just so sexy to me (swoon).
Someone I can bring around my friends and just becomes part of the group. I love my friends. And my friends are like my family. And if my friends don’t like you, I don’t either.
Someone who stands up to me. I can be pretty intimidating and I almost daring people to fight back and most people don’t. I want someone who’s not scared of me.
Someone who speaks another language. I really love languages and I wish I had time to learn them all. And I want someone who can push me to do that. I want to live in a household where English is rarely spoken and unfortunately I’m losing a lot of my Spanish and Italian because I have no one to practice with.
Someone young at heart. I am really playful and a little kid. I love kids movies. And I would finger paint if I had time. And color. I love playgrounds and if it wasn’t creepy I’d still go.
Deal breaker: Someone religious. I’m just not and I don’t understand religion for the most part. It’s something that I can’t get into. I respect people who are super religious but I can’t be with someone who is.
Deal breaker: Someone who is super conservative. I am SUPER liberal to the point where I should probably tied to a tree singing folk tales. I’m a major hippie and I just can’t hold back a lot of my political beliefs. Like I’m a socialist. I hate capitalism. I think education, shelter, and food is human right. I think everyone should get the same paycheck no matter what they are doing and the only difference should be the amount of hours put in. I’m a hippie.
Someone with a super chill personality. I don’t want any more crazies. I can’t take it.
Someone who can live the Bohemian life with me. I’m not all that into “belonging” to anyone. I want my freedom. I want to know I can go out, have a damn good time and not have to worry about (s)he worrying. I want to know (s)he is having a good time too. I want to flirt with whoever I want and I want the person I am dating to be secure enough to know that no matter what (s)he is the person I’m going home with. Also I never want to get married. It's just not on my to-do list and I want her/him to be okay with that.
Someone intelligent. I’m tired of dumbing myself down. And my kind of intelligent. I don’t know science and math and I don’t want to. Someone who knows literature and art and theatre. Well. Also a gender person would be AMAZING because I could talk about gender ALL NIGHT.
Someone fun. Someone who goes out and can be the life of the party. Someone who can have fun no matter where they are.
Someone confident. No more insecure people.
Someone who can dance. And dance well with me because I’ve met good dancers who just have terrible dancing chemistry when it comes to me.
Someone with a decent sex drive. But on that note, I don’t want to have sex every night. I want nights that we just stay up all night talking. About nothing and everything.
Someone I can talk to for hours and just get lost in the conversation. Like not even be able to tell anyone what we were talking about because I was just that lost in the moment.
Someone in the arts but no writers and no drummers. Too much noise (drummers). Too much competition and emotions and feelings (writers).
Someone funny. I know that’s dumb to add because most people make me laugh but I just can’t imagine my life without someone who can cheer up. I need that.
Someone who is a “text” person. I love reading. And I love talking about style and choices and I need someone to argue with me and talk with me about this kind of stuff.
Someone who can play sports with me. And sports that I like. I hate football and I hate Frisby. I will not play them. Volleyball and soccer are preferable. There is nothing sexier than playing a game of Volleyball with someone for hours and then grabbing a beer and just talking about life. That’s just so sexy to me (swoon).
Someone I can bring around my friends and just becomes part of the group. I love my friends. And my friends are like my family. And if my friends don’t like you, I don’t either.
Someone who stands up to me. I can be pretty intimidating and I almost daring people to fight back and most people don’t. I want someone who’s not scared of me.
Someone who speaks another language. I really love languages and I wish I had time to learn them all. And I want someone who can push me to do that. I want to live in a household where English is rarely spoken and unfortunately I’m losing a lot of my Spanish and Italian because I have no one to practice with.
Someone young at heart. I am really playful and a little kid. I love kids movies. And I would finger paint if I had time. And color. I love playgrounds and if it wasn’t creepy I’d still go.
Deal breaker: Someone religious. I’m just not and I don’t understand religion for the most part. It’s something that I can’t get into. I respect people who are super religious but I can’t be with someone who is.
Deal breaker: Someone who is super conservative. I am SUPER liberal to the point where I should probably tied to a tree singing folk tales. I’m a major hippie and I just can’t hold back a lot of my political beliefs. Like I’m a socialist. I hate capitalism. I think education, shelter, and food is human right. I think everyone should get the same paycheck no matter what they are doing and the only difference should be the amount of hours put in. I’m a hippie.
Under Pressure
God, if you’re listening, your daughter is dying.
The walls have broken down and the demons came dancing.
The wind came too fast and my patience is breaking.
I’m standing on the verge of my sanity, breathing insanity
Swirling through memories and drowning in nightmares.
These nights don’t end and the days burn deep into my skin
And as the whole world goes waltzing along, my heart keeps breaking
Trying to understand these challenges you gave me.
Grace me with your presence, come down and talk to me
Reassure me from the blade, walk me out of the kitchens
Out of the closets and out of the madness.
God, if you’re there, your daughter is crying.
The floor keeps on falling and the angels keep mocking.
The ceiling is rising and my head is pounding.
I’m standing on the verge of the sun, perfectly ready to burn
Watching my sticky skin curl up into the bones, the circulation of nonsense.
These nights scream with the horror of what I just can’t forget
And the days come laughing as I am barely standing
Trying to balance what’s happened and what’s coming.
Bless with some dream, bless with everything
To guide me, to help me fight all of these fiends
Back to the eternal flames of my regret.
God, if you love me, your daughter is breaking.
Breaking the pattern and breaking into the dawn
Breaking into heaven so please hear me out.
This weight on my shoulders has knocked me down
Hard against the solid concrete floors of heaven to lay at your feet
Begging for mercy, begging for grace, begging for redemption.
So God, if you know me, come sit with me a while
Whisper in my ear and calm me down
Because I’m dangling by threads planning too soon
Of an end I can’t take, a dream from a younger tune.
The walls have broken down and the demons came dancing.
The wind came too fast and my patience is breaking.
I’m standing on the verge of my sanity, breathing insanity
Swirling through memories and drowning in nightmares.
These nights don’t end and the days burn deep into my skin
And as the whole world goes waltzing along, my heart keeps breaking
Trying to understand these challenges you gave me.
Grace me with your presence, come down and talk to me
Reassure me from the blade, walk me out of the kitchens
Out of the closets and out of the madness.
God, if you’re there, your daughter is crying.
The floor keeps on falling and the angels keep mocking.
The ceiling is rising and my head is pounding.
I’m standing on the verge of the sun, perfectly ready to burn
Watching my sticky skin curl up into the bones, the circulation of nonsense.
These nights scream with the horror of what I just can’t forget
And the days come laughing as I am barely standing
Trying to balance what’s happened and what’s coming.
Bless with some dream, bless with everything
To guide me, to help me fight all of these fiends
Back to the eternal flames of my regret.
God, if you love me, your daughter is breaking.
Breaking the pattern and breaking into the dawn
Breaking into heaven so please hear me out.
This weight on my shoulders has knocked me down
Hard against the solid concrete floors of heaven to lay at your feet
Begging for mercy, begging for grace, begging for redemption.
So God, if you know me, come sit with me a while
Whisper in my ear and calm me down
Because I’m dangling by threads planning too soon
Of an end I can’t take, a dream from a younger tune.
Pretty
Bruises and cuts, angels and demons, angles and memories
Of days when the crown danced on my hair and the throne
Called my name so clear that the whole world stopped
And stared.
In an instant I was waltzing with princes and thieves
Chanting some trance while the sirens crept in
Stealing souls and tasting hearts so deep in madness
That love itself fell into our waters and poisoned our smiles
Leaked through our blood and into the candy exchange of spit
And stranger wonders than that.
Oh, the good times that plagued me, destroyed me, and made me
Formed into me a goddess , lifting me off the ground and into
The universe of my arrogance, the planets of my insecurity.
To be pretty
To look into the glass sculpture against the wall,
mesmerized.
To dance on the shallow clouds of confidence
And never once fall.
To seduce the vampires with just one tilt of my head
Falling into the ocean of opportunity and chance
And to dance on the planets this brittle heart used to own.
Give me, grant me, send me the good times back.
This shell of a corpse with scrapes and dents can’t hold me
Know me and use me. Can’t bend me and break me
Into the Aphrodite I once knew. And loved.
To the world and earth I used to breathe, I used to believe.
This air’s too heavy, this room too neat.
Slam me against the ground and send me back in time
When the angels and demons knew me by name
by voice, by walk, by stance, by grace.
Oh to be her, to be she, to be the girl I used to be
I yearn to be. To exhale hell only inhaling heaven.
To know the night and every star in sky waits for me
And with every sunrise another heartbreak, another beautiful mistake.
What I wouldn’t sacrifice, what I wouldn’t trade
To be me, just once and forever all in the same
To sleep with traitors and rise with servants
To enchant, to amuse, to pretend
to be alive and to be free.
Of days when the crown danced on my hair and the throne
Called my name so clear that the whole world stopped
And stared.
In an instant I was waltzing with princes and thieves
Chanting some trance while the sirens crept in
Stealing souls and tasting hearts so deep in madness
That love itself fell into our waters and poisoned our smiles
Leaked through our blood and into the candy exchange of spit
And stranger wonders than that.
Oh, the good times that plagued me, destroyed me, and made me
Formed into me a goddess , lifting me off the ground and into
The universe of my arrogance, the planets of my insecurity.
To be pretty
To look into the glass sculpture against the wall,
mesmerized.
To dance on the shallow clouds of confidence
And never once fall.
To seduce the vampires with just one tilt of my head
Falling into the ocean of opportunity and chance
And to dance on the planets this brittle heart used to own.
Give me, grant me, send me the good times back.
This shell of a corpse with scrapes and dents can’t hold me
Know me and use me. Can’t bend me and break me
Into the Aphrodite I once knew. And loved.
To the world and earth I used to breathe, I used to believe.
This air’s too heavy, this room too neat.
Slam me against the ground and send me back in time
When the angels and demons knew me by name
by voice, by walk, by stance, by grace.
Oh to be her, to be she, to be the girl I used to be
I yearn to be. To exhale hell only inhaling heaven.
To know the night and every star in sky waits for me
And with every sunrise another heartbreak, another beautiful mistake.
What I wouldn’t sacrifice, what I wouldn’t trade
To be me, just once and forever all in the same
To sleep with traitors and rise with servants
To enchant, to amuse, to pretend
to be alive and to be free.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
new scene
So Para Tener Las Alas is now called Traffic. And here's a new scene from it.
Scene: “While you were dreaming…”
Lorelei, Alyssa, and Blanche are in a dimly lit coffee house. Alyssa is on the violin and Blanche is on the bass. (The music does not need to performed live nor do the instruments need to be specific. Alyssa and Blanche should be playing something appropriate to the background of the spoken word)
LORELEI
(speaking, not singing)
Dreams.
So vivid my eyes burned with the yearning desire to taste the melodies dancing across my
mind
All the while the vultures flying over me like demons waiting for some glimpse of me
Of me bending backwards in this tortured life of who I am, who was I supposed to be
Of my delusions creeping me into the spectrum of what it is, what was.
Dreams.
So clear my eyes burned with the cadence slithering its way into my memory
Of all the lost souls still chanting out their killers names in forgotten alleys and pathways
Of all the wondering angels searching for shelter, to get away from their husbands and
their fathers
The very men who beat them into the slavery of oppression, of intolerance, and inequality
Dreams.
So close my fingers burned with the desire to fuel their desolate chambers,
The same broken cages where their hearts used to beat so hard against the sheets
Those same sheets of forgotten and lost regret seeping into their very skin, their very
Pores
With their hands holding on so tight to the rail blood broke free and painted our scars.
Dreams.
So close my heart burned with the delusion of safety, that here we can be free
When the wolves pace around us like prey and the politicians, with their hands tied
And briefcases full of cash and “special interest” problems of all those lost girls
Running through the Sin City searching for peace, for that sacred nirvana
For heaven, for rai, for Jannah, for a world where sin can’t come in
Not through the front door and into our bedrooms, not through the closet and into our
beds, not through the rhetoric and into our minds—
Dreams.
Alyssa and Blanche stop playing and exit the stage.
LORELEI
And what we wouldn’t give to be free.
Blackout.
Scene: “While you were dreaming…”
Lorelei, Alyssa, and Blanche are in a dimly lit coffee house. Alyssa is on the violin and Blanche is on the bass. (The music does not need to performed live nor do the instruments need to be specific. Alyssa and Blanche should be playing something appropriate to the background of the spoken word)
LORELEI
(speaking, not singing)
Dreams.
So vivid my eyes burned with the yearning desire to taste the melodies dancing across my
mind
All the while the vultures flying over me like demons waiting for some glimpse of me
Of me bending backwards in this tortured life of who I am, who was I supposed to be
Of my delusions creeping me into the spectrum of what it is, what was.
Dreams.
So clear my eyes burned with the cadence slithering its way into my memory
Of all the lost souls still chanting out their killers names in forgotten alleys and pathways
Of all the wondering angels searching for shelter, to get away from their husbands and
their fathers
The very men who beat them into the slavery of oppression, of intolerance, and inequality
Dreams.
So close my fingers burned with the desire to fuel their desolate chambers,
The same broken cages where their hearts used to beat so hard against the sheets
Those same sheets of forgotten and lost regret seeping into their very skin, their very
Pores
With their hands holding on so tight to the rail blood broke free and painted our scars.
Dreams.
So close my heart burned with the delusion of safety, that here we can be free
When the wolves pace around us like prey and the politicians, with their hands tied
And briefcases full of cash and “special interest” problems of all those lost girls
Running through the Sin City searching for peace, for that sacred nirvana
For heaven, for rai, for Jannah, for a world where sin can’t come in
Not through the front door and into our bedrooms, not through the closet and into our
beds, not through the rhetoric and into our minds—
Dreams.
Alyssa and Blanche stop playing and exit the stage.
LORELEI
And what we wouldn’t give to be free.
Blackout.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Dream Girl #1
so my IPOD's name is Karen because I always said I wanted my dream girl to be named Karen.
But I've learned that Karen isn't explicitly what I want. But she's basically Dream Girl #1. Like one version of the kind of girl I'd like. (I'd like to say now that I respect all women and I think there's beauty in all of us. I do not mean to disrespect anyone. This is just a list of attributes I personally find attractive)
1. "Feminine" in appearance but not stereotypically.
What I mean by this: She might wear dresses and have long hair but she takes her whiskey straight up and only dances after I ask her to. She can fix a car anytime, anywhere and isn't afraid of getting her hands dirty.
2. Loves comic books. Preferably Marvel. Preferably X-Men geek.
I love comic books and I want someone to geek out with. I hate going to the movies and knowing I'm the only one who knows what they got "right" and what they got "wrong
3. Loves theatre
I've given so much of my life to theatre. I love plays and Caryl Churchill, Jose Rivera, Sarah Kane, Maria Irene Fornes, Griselda Gambaro...those are a few of the writers of my sacred texts. Since she's my "dream girl" which means she's not necessarily real I can get specific. I want her to work in the scene shop and love lights. She does lighting. It doesn't hurt if she can write as well.
4. Artsy
I really like going into random galleries and learning about art. I
5. Good dancer
She may not want to dance all the time but, when urged, she's a damn good dancer. And I'm not talking grinding. I'm talking salsa, ballroom, etc
6. Musician
(Again since she's make believe I can be specific) She can sing and play the piano. Throw in the violin and the cello and she's perfect.
7. Likes soccer
I'm not that into sports but I want someone is. Plus I do like the World Cup so the sport is preferably soccer. I hate football and she does too.
8. Sarcastic
I need someone who speaks sarcasm fluently
9. Bilingual
One language is not enough. She is fluent in Spanish (or Italian or French). She can also sign. She uses these languages with me so I can improve my skills and learn more.
10. Vivid Imagination
I get crazy. And my imagination is intense. So I need someone who can keep us
11. Active
Sometimes I like to go outside and toss around a Volleyball or kick around a soccer ball. I need someone who can do that with me.
12. Musically diverse
I like a lot of different kinds of music. Recently I've been dabbling in "indie pop" but who knows what I'll like next week
13. Neat
I'm really messy and I need someone to remind me to clean
14. Strong in her convictions
I have very, very strong opinions and I need someone who can stand their ground even if they disagree with me.
15. Queer
I'm odd. I don't want the standard edition of anything. And by queer I do not mean "not straight." I mean "against the standard norm." Believe it or not there's even a standard norm for gay people. I don't want it. This includes being open to non-monogamy and polyamory.
16. Believes in the supernatural
I believe there are things that even reason cannot solve. I am not saying believing in a deity necessarily because I still don't know that I do but just believes there's more than what we see
17. Avid Reader
I like reading. And I like writing. 'nough said.
18. Social Activist
This can be defined diversely. I'm not saying she's got to go join the nearest protest 'cause that's so not me and I will not be going with her BUT she needs to be socially concerned and willing to do SOMETHING about it.
19. Nonviolent
20. Chill personality
I need someone chill. I don't believe in getting all fired up for no good reason. That takes too much energy
21. Rationally emotional
By this I mean she makes her decisions using reason while simultaneously following her heart
22. Willing to talk about life in a philosophical lens
I want someone who I can toss around some tough questions with and even though there is no correct answer I still want to be able to talk about it
23. Drinks
I can't be someone who doesn't drink. I'd feel so guilty every time I had a beer
24. Non-judgemental
25. Brilliant
I need to be with someone intelligent or else I will walk all over them.
But I've learned that Karen isn't explicitly what I want. But she's basically Dream Girl #1. Like one version of the kind of girl I'd like. (I'd like to say now that I respect all women and I think there's beauty in all of us. I do not mean to disrespect anyone. This is just a list of attributes I personally find attractive)
1. "Feminine" in appearance but not stereotypically.
What I mean by this: She might wear dresses and have long hair but she takes her whiskey straight up and only dances after I ask her to. She can fix a car anytime, anywhere and isn't afraid of getting her hands dirty.
2. Loves comic books. Preferably Marvel. Preferably X-Men geek.
I love comic books and I want someone to geek out with. I hate going to the movies and knowing I'm the only one who knows what they got "right" and what they got "wrong
3. Loves theatre
I've given so much of my life to theatre. I love plays and Caryl Churchill, Jose Rivera, Sarah Kane, Maria Irene Fornes, Griselda Gambaro...those are a few of the writers of my sacred texts. Since she's my "dream girl" which means she's not necessarily real I can get specific. I want her to work in the scene shop and love lights. She does lighting. It doesn't hurt if she can write as well.
4. Artsy
I really like going into random galleries and learning about art. I
5. Good dancer
She may not want to dance all the time but, when urged, she's a damn good dancer. And I'm not talking grinding. I'm talking salsa, ballroom, etc
6. Musician
(Again since she's make believe I can be specific) She can sing and play the piano. Throw in the violin and the cello and she's perfect.
7. Likes soccer
I'm not that into sports but I want someone is. Plus I do like the World Cup so the sport is preferably soccer. I hate football and she does too.
8. Sarcastic
I need someone who speaks sarcasm fluently
9. Bilingual
One language is not enough. She is fluent in Spanish (or Italian or French). She can also sign. She uses these languages with me so I can improve my skills and learn more.
10. Vivid Imagination
I get crazy. And my imagination is intense. So I need someone who can keep us
11. Active
Sometimes I like to go outside and toss around a Volleyball or kick around a soccer ball. I need someone who can do that with me.
12. Musically diverse
I like a lot of different kinds of music. Recently I've been dabbling in "indie pop" but who knows what I'll like next week
13. Neat
I'm really messy and I need someone to remind me to clean
14. Strong in her convictions
I have very, very strong opinions and I need someone who can stand their ground even if they disagree with me.
15. Queer
I'm odd. I don't want the standard edition of anything. And by queer I do not mean "not straight." I mean "against the standard norm." Believe it or not there's even a standard norm for gay people. I don't want it. This includes being open to non-monogamy and polyamory.
16. Believes in the supernatural
I believe there are things that even reason cannot solve. I am not saying believing in a deity necessarily because I still don't know that I do but just believes there's more than what we see
17. Avid Reader
I like reading. And I like writing. 'nough said.
18. Social Activist
This can be defined diversely. I'm not saying she's got to go join the nearest protest 'cause that's so not me and I will not be going with her BUT she needs to be socially concerned and willing to do SOMETHING about it.
19. Nonviolent
20. Chill personality
I need someone chill. I don't believe in getting all fired up for no good reason. That takes too much energy
21. Rationally emotional
By this I mean she makes her decisions using reason while simultaneously following her heart
22. Willing to talk about life in a philosophical lens
I want someone who I can toss around some tough questions with and even though there is no correct answer I still want to be able to talk about it
23. Drinks
I can't be someone who doesn't drink. I'd feel so guilty every time I had a beer
24. Non-judgemental
25. Brilliant
I need to be with someone intelligent or else I will walk all over them.
the apology
I sat on the corner of grace and memory
Stereo blazing hoping one day you might stop and listen
To this broken heart knock hard against the concrete
Through my chest and against the pavement
Establishing the beat of yesterday’s news and aged old dues
Of times when angels and demons ran through the forest
That was me and you and our love was crazy beautiful new.
And while I was painting the sidewalks of regret with “I’m sorry”
I heard an angel whisper in my ear, “No, not yet.”
Like a child I threw it all away, tossed my spray cans on asphalt
And flew. A thousand miles too soon, I ran like the fire in heart
Might leap through the engine and into my dementia.
Terrified, I forced out my wings and cruised through centuries of guilt
Wondering what might happen, what might come to be
If I ever returned to that fateful corner that painted across you
And me. And forever intertwining the destiny of whatever dreams
We chose to believe. And while you danced on burning coal waiting—
Waiting for some sacred chance that I might return and steal you
From the hell in which I had willingly and knowingly locked you within
I hid beneath the shipwreck of what could’ve been, of what would’ve been
If I had only taken the chance, the one moment to be still and remember
Remember those tear filled nights we stayed up all night listening
To the demons scrape the glass and the walls close in, breathing so heavily
That fog expanded out of the room connecting us two, eternally linked
And as our very souls cried out for grace, the bleeding knives asked for
Just—one—more—taste.
And fighting through the darkness, my addiction, my newest affliction
Became you and the way your hair fell gently across your face like the curtain
Hiding us forever away from the excruciating minutes that would lead to this
To you and me being just you and just me
To living like sirens only craving what could never again be
Because I was too afraid
To stand and say it. To admit it. To face it.
To see myself for who I was and who I’ll forever be
To love you for everything that you were and that you could be
To believe that nothing could stop us because nothing could catch us.
And like a fool, I let it all seep out onto the acid of distance, the illusion of miles
Believing, naively, that my heart and my mind could not connect, never to intersect
That reason could surpass love, as if reason could surpass me,
Surpass the inexplicable force that’s pushing your beating heart into my chest
Granting me those extra few seconds just to breathe, just to think—
And as I sit here, writing your name in crimson across the intersection of what I’ve done
and who I am to become,
I pray you take a second to listen and know, if only for a moment,
That within my every exhale, the following inhale will come from the dream of us
That same wonderful beautiful dream that I’m still tasting in my mind
In my hands, across in chest, and into the stream of the circulation that keeps this broken
heart beating
Beating so hard the resounding echoes still call your name.
Stereo blazing hoping one day you might stop and listen
To this broken heart knock hard against the concrete
Through my chest and against the pavement
Establishing the beat of yesterday’s news and aged old dues
Of times when angels and demons ran through the forest
That was me and you and our love was crazy beautiful new.
And while I was painting the sidewalks of regret with “I’m sorry”
I heard an angel whisper in my ear, “No, not yet.”
Like a child I threw it all away, tossed my spray cans on asphalt
And flew. A thousand miles too soon, I ran like the fire in heart
Might leap through the engine and into my dementia.
Terrified, I forced out my wings and cruised through centuries of guilt
Wondering what might happen, what might come to be
If I ever returned to that fateful corner that painted across you
And me. And forever intertwining the destiny of whatever dreams
We chose to believe. And while you danced on burning coal waiting—
Waiting for some sacred chance that I might return and steal you
From the hell in which I had willingly and knowingly locked you within
I hid beneath the shipwreck of what could’ve been, of what would’ve been
If I had only taken the chance, the one moment to be still and remember
Remember those tear filled nights we stayed up all night listening
To the demons scrape the glass and the walls close in, breathing so heavily
That fog expanded out of the room connecting us two, eternally linked
And as our very souls cried out for grace, the bleeding knives asked for
Just—one—more—taste.
And fighting through the darkness, my addiction, my newest affliction
Became you and the way your hair fell gently across your face like the curtain
Hiding us forever away from the excruciating minutes that would lead to this
To you and me being just you and just me
To living like sirens only craving what could never again be
Because I was too afraid
To stand and say it. To admit it. To face it.
To see myself for who I was and who I’ll forever be
To love you for everything that you were and that you could be
To believe that nothing could stop us because nothing could catch us.
And like a fool, I let it all seep out onto the acid of distance, the illusion of miles
Believing, naively, that my heart and my mind could not connect, never to intersect
That reason could surpass love, as if reason could surpass me,
Surpass the inexplicable force that’s pushing your beating heart into my chest
Granting me those extra few seconds just to breathe, just to think—
And as I sit here, writing your name in crimson across the intersection of what I’ve done
and who I am to become,
I pray you take a second to listen and know, if only for a moment,
That within my every exhale, the following inhale will come from the dream of us
That same wonderful beautiful dream that I’m still tasting in my mind
In my hands, across in chest, and into the stream of the circulation that keeps this broken
heart beating
Beating so hard the resounding echoes still call your name.
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