I remember those sticky California nights when the angels would grace my window
And soothe my beating heart to bed tonight, with stories about David and Solomon
Hoping one day I too would be as brave and fearless as the many heroes before me.
And while my grandmother sang praises and my mother’s prayers filled the room
With hands so tight the sweat stained my sheets with her sacred brand of holy water,
Her own sacred spells sending me off into the wonders of my imagination—the night
The dark blanket covered over me like wool as Disney’s lies slid under and into my mind
And just like every other foolish girl, I kept my fingers crossed waiting for some Prince
That same he who’d come into my chambers and rescue a love-torn me. Save me sweet.
On nights like these when the wind gently danced across the window pane of my heart
And the sky blew into my fantasies the simplest love poisoned potion promising forever
I drafted the sketch of the same he—that same you—who might someday rob me away.
But greater days and greater pains fell upon me as high school hit me like concrete
While the fall never quite broke and my lungs begged for the oxygen I’d granted away
To candied cigarettes and tightly rolled brown paper filled with half-empty promises
and crowded smoke.
You crept into my space like a hero intending to save me—or was it to learn me?
Either way, you had earned me gained me, and maybe even loved me. Saved me and
broke me.
You breathed me in and took me, off into the night on a magic carpet ride
Under the sea and beneath the tide, into your castle and we waltzed on, into the tower
awaiting your kiss, away with the dragons and into your midst.
And forever and always I was yours.
Thoroughly and naively prepared to run away into the darkness of your energy
The shadows of your word, the cool air of your touch, the deception of your eyes.
Wholly and willing yours. So much so I cast away myself to breathe you, exhaled my
sanity to see you, pushed away my mind to know you
Half as well as you could clearly see me. And as I gave you my dying breath
Like a thief in the night you ran off with my heart, my soul, and all.
Broken, yet not quite defeated, I rose. Searched through the maze and lost my fate.
Six years too late, I heard wedding bells in the distant with some stranger in my dress:
The thief in the tux.
And while my tears cried oceans, river, and planets full, I heard you whisper faintly,
“I do.”
My hands, shaking, my mind, breaking, my heart, begging.
Begging that somehow this dream, this prophecy might fail and come envious sunrise
You’d carry into the sky, hold me too tight, and promise me forever it’s alright.
And I pinched every pore until the unbearable truth saw through:
A hero or a thief? No more difference in sight than I’ll see tonight.
So take my heart and with my dreams, you’ll break it.
But if ever that ring should sit too heavy and your mind tempts you back to simpler times
Look into your locket and hope that there you still might find it:
A heart broken too soon, a dream rising by noon.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Mr or Ms Fantastic
So I was talking to one of the cast members who told me he wrote a list of what he was looking for and handed it out to his friends and now he has been with that person for over 20 years. So here are my requirements for Mr. OR Ms. Fantastic (because “Mr. Right” is just not good enough)
Someone with a super chill personality. I don’t want any more crazies. I can’t take it.
Someone who can live the Bohemian life with me. I’m not all that into “belonging” to anyone. I want my freedom. I want to know I can go out, have a damn good time and not have to worry about (s)he worrying. I want to know (s)he is having a good time too. I want to flirt with whoever I want and I want the person I am dating to be secure enough to know that no matter what (s)he is the person I’m going home with. Also I never want to get married. It's just not on my to-do list and I want her/him to be okay with that.
Someone intelligent. I’m tired of dumbing myself down. And my kind of intelligent. I don’t know science and math and I don’t want to. Someone who knows literature and art and theatre. Well. Also a gender person would be AMAZING because I could talk about gender ALL NIGHT.
Someone fun. Someone who goes out and can be the life of the party. Someone who can have fun no matter where they are.
Someone confident. No more insecure people.
Someone who can dance. And dance well with me because I’ve met good dancers who just have terrible dancing chemistry when it comes to me.
Someone with a decent sex drive. But on that note, I don’t want to have sex every night. I want nights that we just stay up all night talking. About nothing and everything.
Someone I can talk to for hours and just get lost in the conversation. Like not even be able to tell anyone what we were talking about because I was just that lost in the moment.
Someone in the arts but no writers and no drummers. Too much noise (drummers). Too much competition and emotions and feelings (writers).
Someone funny. I know that’s dumb to add because most people make me laugh but I just can’t imagine my life without someone who can cheer up. I need that.
Someone who is a “text” person. I love reading. And I love talking about style and choices and I need someone to argue with me and talk with me about this kind of stuff.
Someone who can play sports with me. And sports that I like. I hate football and I hate Frisby. I will not play them. Volleyball and soccer are preferable. There is nothing sexier than playing a game of Volleyball with someone for hours and then grabbing a beer and just talking about life. That’s just so sexy to me (swoon).
Someone I can bring around my friends and just becomes part of the group. I love my friends. And my friends are like my family. And if my friends don’t like you, I don’t either.
Someone who stands up to me. I can be pretty intimidating and I almost daring people to fight back and most people don’t. I want someone who’s not scared of me.
Someone who speaks another language. I really love languages and I wish I had time to learn them all. And I want someone who can push me to do that. I want to live in a household where English is rarely spoken and unfortunately I’m losing a lot of my Spanish and Italian because I have no one to practice with.
Someone young at heart. I am really playful and a little kid. I love kids movies. And I would finger paint if I had time. And color. I love playgrounds and if it wasn’t creepy I’d still go.
Deal breaker: Someone religious. I’m just not and I don’t understand religion for the most part. It’s something that I can’t get into. I respect people who are super religious but I can’t be with someone who is.
Deal breaker: Someone who is super conservative. I am SUPER liberal to the point where I should probably tied to a tree singing folk tales. I’m a major hippie and I just can’t hold back a lot of my political beliefs. Like I’m a socialist. I hate capitalism. I think education, shelter, and food is human right. I think everyone should get the same paycheck no matter what they are doing and the only difference should be the amount of hours put in. I’m a hippie.
Someone with a super chill personality. I don’t want any more crazies. I can’t take it.
Someone who can live the Bohemian life with me. I’m not all that into “belonging” to anyone. I want my freedom. I want to know I can go out, have a damn good time and not have to worry about (s)he worrying. I want to know (s)he is having a good time too. I want to flirt with whoever I want and I want the person I am dating to be secure enough to know that no matter what (s)he is the person I’m going home with. Also I never want to get married. It's just not on my to-do list and I want her/him to be okay with that.
Someone intelligent. I’m tired of dumbing myself down. And my kind of intelligent. I don’t know science and math and I don’t want to. Someone who knows literature and art and theatre. Well. Also a gender person would be AMAZING because I could talk about gender ALL NIGHT.
Someone fun. Someone who goes out and can be the life of the party. Someone who can have fun no matter where they are.
Someone confident. No more insecure people.
Someone who can dance. And dance well with me because I’ve met good dancers who just have terrible dancing chemistry when it comes to me.
Someone with a decent sex drive. But on that note, I don’t want to have sex every night. I want nights that we just stay up all night talking. About nothing and everything.
Someone I can talk to for hours and just get lost in the conversation. Like not even be able to tell anyone what we were talking about because I was just that lost in the moment.
Someone in the arts but no writers and no drummers. Too much noise (drummers). Too much competition and emotions and feelings (writers).
Someone funny. I know that’s dumb to add because most people make me laugh but I just can’t imagine my life without someone who can cheer up. I need that.
Someone who is a “text” person. I love reading. And I love talking about style and choices and I need someone to argue with me and talk with me about this kind of stuff.
Someone who can play sports with me. And sports that I like. I hate football and I hate Frisby. I will not play them. Volleyball and soccer are preferable. There is nothing sexier than playing a game of Volleyball with someone for hours and then grabbing a beer and just talking about life. That’s just so sexy to me (swoon).
Someone I can bring around my friends and just becomes part of the group. I love my friends. And my friends are like my family. And if my friends don’t like you, I don’t either.
Someone who stands up to me. I can be pretty intimidating and I almost daring people to fight back and most people don’t. I want someone who’s not scared of me.
Someone who speaks another language. I really love languages and I wish I had time to learn them all. And I want someone who can push me to do that. I want to live in a household where English is rarely spoken and unfortunately I’m losing a lot of my Spanish and Italian because I have no one to practice with.
Someone young at heart. I am really playful and a little kid. I love kids movies. And I would finger paint if I had time. And color. I love playgrounds and if it wasn’t creepy I’d still go.
Deal breaker: Someone religious. I’m just not and I don’t understand religion for the most part. It’s something that I can’t get into. I respect people who are super religious but I can’t be with someone who is.
Deal breaker: Someone who is super conservative. I am SUPER liberal to the point where I should probably tied to a tree singing folk tales. I’m a major hippie and I just can’t hold back a lot of my political beliefs. Like I’m a socialist. I hate capitalism. I think education, shelter, and food is human right. I think everyone should get the same paycheck no matter what they are doing and the only difference should be the amount of hours put in. I’m a hippie.
Under Pressure
God, if you’re listening, your daughter is dying.
The walls have broken down and the demons came dancing.
The wind came too fast and my patience is breaking.
I’m standing on the verge of my sanity, breathing insanity
Swirling through memories and drowning in nightmares.
These nights don’t end and the days burn deep into my skin
And as the whole world goes waltzing along, my heart keeps breaking
Trying to understand these challenges you gave me.
Grace me with your presence, come down and talk to me
Reassure me from the blade, walk me out of the kitchens
Out of the closets and out of the madness.
God, if you’re there, your daughter is crying.
The floor keeps on falling and the angels keep mocking.
The ceiling is rising and my head is pounding.
I’m standing on the verge of the sun, perfectly ready to burn
Watching my sticky skin curl up into the bones, the circulation of nonsense.
These nights scream with the horror of what I just can’t forget
And the days come laughing as I am barely standing
Trying to balance what’s happened and what’s coming.
Bless with some dream, bless with everything
To guide me, to help me fight all of these fiends
Back to the eternal flames of my regret.
God, if you love me, your daughter is breaking.
Breaking the pattern and breaking into the dawn
Breaking into heaven so please hear me out.
This weight on my shoulders has knocked me down
Hard against the solid concrete floors of heaven to lay at your feet
Begging for mercy, begging for grace, begging for redemption.
So God, if you know me, come sit with me a while
Whisper in my ear and calm me down
Because I’m dangling by threads planning too soon
Of an end I can’t take, a dream from a younger tune.
The walls have broken down and the demons came dancing.
The wind came too fast and my patience is breaking.
I’m standing on the verge of my sanity, breathing insanity
Swirling through memories and drowning in nightmares.
These nights don’t end and the days burn deep into my skin
And as the whole world goes waltzing along, my heart keeps breaking
Trying to understand these challenges you gave me.
Grace me with your presence, come down and talk to me
Reassure me from the blade, walk me out of the kitchens
Out of the closets and out of the madness.
God, if you’re there, your daughter is crying.
The floor keeps on falling and the angels keep mocking.
The ceiling is rising and my head is pounding.
I’m standing on the verge of the sun, perfectly ready to burn
Watching my sticky skin curl up into the bones, the circulation of nonsense.
These nights scream with the horror of what I just can’t forget
And the days come laughing as I am barely standing
Trying to balance what’s happened and what’s coming.
Bless with some dream, bless with everything
To guide me, to help me fight all of these fiends
Back to the eternal flames of my regret.
God, if you love me, your daughter is breaking.
Breaking the pattern and breaking into the dawn
Breaking into heaven so please hear me out.
This weight on my shoulders has knocked me down
Hard against the solid concrete floors of heaven to lay at your feet
Begging for mercy, begging for grace, begging for redemption.
So God, if you know me, come sit with me a while
Whisper in my ear and calm me down
Because I’m dangling by threads planning too soon
Of an end I can’t take, a dream from a younger tune.
Pretty
Bruises and cuts, angels and demons, angles and memories
Of days when the crown danced on my hair and the throne
Called my name so clear that the whole world stopped
And stared.
In an instant I was waltzing with princes and thieves
Chanting some trance while the sirens crept in
Stealing souls and tasting hearts so deep in madness
That love itself fell into our waters and poisoned our smiles
Leaked through our blood and into the candy exchange of spit
And stranger wonders than that.
Oh, the good times that plagued me, destroyed me, and made me
Formed into me a goddess , lifting me off the ground and into
The universe of my arrogance, the planets of my insecurity.
To be pretty
To look into the glass sculpture against the wall,
mesmerized.
To dance on the shallow clouds of confidence
And never once fall.
To seduce the vampires with just one tilt of my head
Falling into the ocean of opportunity and chance
And to dance on the planets this brittle heart used to own.
Give me, grant me, send me the good times back.
This shell of a corpse with scrapes and dents can’t hold me
Know me and use me. Can’t bend me and break me
Into the Aphrodite I once knew. And loved.
To the world and earth I used to breathe, I used to believe.
This air’s too heavy, this room too neat.
Slam me against the ground and send me back in time
When the angels and demons knew me by name
by voice, by walk, by stance, by grace.
Oh to be her, to be she, to be the girl I used to be
I yearn to be. To exhale hell only inhaling heaven.
To know the night and every star in sky waits for me
And with every sunrise another heartbreak, another beautiful mistake.
What I wouldn’t sacrifice, what I wouldn’t trade
To be me, just once and forever all in the same
To sleep with traitors and rise with servants
To enchant, to amuse, to pretend
to be alive and to be free.
Of days when the crown danced on my hair and the throne
Called my name so clear that the whole world stopped
And stared.
In an instant I was waltzing with princes and thieves
Chanting some trance while the sirens crept in
Stealing souls and tasting hearts so deep in madness
That love itself fell into our waters and poisoned our smiles
Leaked through our blood and into the candy exchange of spit
And stranger wonders than that.
Oh, the good times that plagued me, destroyed me, and made me
Formed into me a goddess , lifting me off the ground and into
The universe of my arrogance, the planets of my insecurity.
To be pretty
To look into the glass sculpture against the wall,
mesmerized.
To dance on the shallow clouds of confidence
And never once fall.
To seduce the vampires with just one tilt of my head
Falling into the ocean of opportunity and chance
And to dance on the planets this brittle heart used to own.
Give me, grant me, send me the good times back.
This shell of a corpse with scrapes and dents can’t hold me
Know me and use me. Can’t bend me and break me
Into the Aphrodite I once knew. And loved.
To the world and earth I used to breathe, I used to believe.
This air’s too heavy, this room too neat.
Slam me against the ground and send me back in time
When the angels and demons knew me by name
by voice, by walk, by stance, by grace.
Oh to be her, to be she, to be the girl I used to be
I yearn to be. To exhale hell only inhaling heaven.
To know the night and every star in sky waits for me
And with every sunrise another heartbreak, another beautiful mistake.
What I wouldn’t sacrifice, what I wouldn’t trade
To be me, just once and forever all in the same
To sleep with traitors and rise with servants
To enchant, to amuse, to pretend
to be alive and to be free.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
new scene
So Para Tener Las Alas is now called Traffic. And here's a new scene from it.
Scene: “While you were dreaming…”
Lorelei, Alyssa, and Blanche are in a dimly lit coffee house. Alyssa is on the violin and Blanche is on the bass. (The music does not need to performed live nor do the instruments need to be specific. Alyssa and Blanche should be playing something appropriate to the background of the spoken word)
LORELEI
(speaking, not singing)
Dreams.
So vivid my eyes burned with the yearning desire to taste the melodies dancing across my
mind
All the while the vultures flying over me like demons waiting for some glimpse of me
Of me bending backwards in this tortured life of who I am, who was I supposed to be
Of my delusions creeping me into the spectrum of what it is, what was.
Dreams.
So clear my eyes burned with the cadence slithering its way into my memory
Of all the lost souls still chanting out their killers names in forgotten alleys and pathways
Of all the wondering angels searching for shelter, to get away from their husbands and
their fathers
The very men who beat them into the slavery of oppression, of intolerance, and inequality
Dreams.
So close my fingers burned with the desire to fuel their desolate chambers,
The same broken cages where their hearts used to beat so hard against the sheets
Those same sheets of forgotten and lost regret seeping into their very skin, their very
Pores
With their hands holding on so tight to the rail blood broke free and painted our scars.
Dreams.
So close my heart burned with the delusion of safety, that here we can be free
When the wolves pace around us like prey and the politicians, with their hands tied
And briefcases full of cash and “special interest” problems of all those lost girls
Running through the Sin City searching for peace, for that sacred nirvana
For heaven, for rai, for Jannah, for a world where sin can’t come in
Not through the front door and into our bedrooms, not through the closet and into our
beds, not through the rhetoric and into our minds—
Dreams.
Alyssa and Blanche stop playing and exit the stage.
LORELEI
And what we wouldn’t give to be free.
Blackout.
Scene: “While you were dreaming…”
Lorelei, Alyssa, and Blanche are in a dimly lit coffee house. Alyssa is on the violin and Blanche is on the bass. (The music does not need to performed live nor do the instruments need to be specific. Alyssa and Blanche should be playing something appropriate to the background of the spoken word)
LORELEI
(speaking, not singing)
Dreams.
So vivid my eyes burned with the yearning desire to taste the melodies dancing across my
mind
All the while the vultures flying over me like demons waiting for some glimpse of me
Of me bending backwards in this tortured life of who I am, who was I supposed to be
Of my delusions creeping me into the spectrum of what it is, what was.
Dreams.
So clear my eyes burned with the cadence slithering its way into my memory
Of all the lost souls still chanting out their killers names in forgotten alleys and pathways
Of all the wondering angels searching for shelter, to get away from their husbands and
their fathers
The very men who beat them into the slavery of oppression, of intolerance, and inequality
Dreams.
So close my fingers burned with the desire to fuel their desolate chambers,
The same broken cages where their hearts used to beat so hard against the sheets
Those same sheets of forgotten and lost regret seeping into their very skin, their very
Pores
With their hands holding on so tight to the rail blood broke free and painted our scars.
Dreams.
So close my heart burned with the delusion of safety, that here we can be free
When the wolves pace around us like prey and the politicians, with their hands tied
And briefcases full of cash and “special interest” problems of all those lost girls
Running through the Sin City searching for peace, for that sacred nirvana
For heaven, for rai, for Jannah, for a world where sin can’t come in
Not through the front door and into our bedrooms, not through the closet and into our
beds, not through the rhetoric and into our minds—
Dreams.
Alyssa and Blanche stop playing and exit the stage.
LORELEI
And what we wouldn’t give to be free.
Blackout.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Dream Girl #1
so my IPOD's name is Karen because I always said I wanted my dream girl to be named Karen.
But I've learned that Karen isn't explicitly what I want. But she's basically Dream Girl #1. Like one version of the kind of girl I'd like. (I'd like to say now that I respect all women and I think there's beauty in all of us. I do not mean to disrespect anyone. This is just a list of attributes I personally find attractive)
1. "Feminine" in appearance but not stereotypically.
What I mean by this: She might wear dresses and have long hair but she takes her whiskey straight up and only dances after I ask her to. She can fix a car anytime, anywhere and isn't afraid of getting her hands dirty.
2. Loves comic books. Preferably Marvel. Preferably X-Men geek.
I love comic books and I want someone to geek out with. I hate going to the movies and knowing I'm the only one who knows what they got "right" and what they got "wrong
3. Loves theatre
I've given so much of my life to theatre. I love plays and Caryl Churchill, Jose Rivera, Sarah Kane, Maria Irene Fornes, Griselda Gambaro...those are a few of the writers of my sacred texts. Since she's my "dream girl" which means she's not necessarily real I can get specific. I want her to work in the scene shop and love lights. She does lighting. It doesn't hurt if she can write as well.
4. Artsy
I really like going into random galleries and learning about art. I
5. Good dancer
She may not want to dance all the time but, when urged, she's a damn good dancer. And I'm not talking grinding. I'm talking salsa, ballroom, etc
6. Musician
(Again since she's make believe I can be specific) She can sing and play the piano. Throw in the violin and the cello and she's perfect.
7. Likes soccer
I'm not that into sports but I want someone is. Plus I do like the World Cup so the sport is preferably soccer. I hate football and she does too.
8. Sarcastic
I need someone who speaks sarcasm fluently
9. Bilingual
One language is not enough. She is fluent in Spanish (or Italian or French). She can also sign. She uses these languages with me so I can improve my skills and learn more.
10. Vivid Imagination
I get crazy. And my imagination is intense. So I need someone who can keep us
11. Active
Sometimes I like to go outside and toss around a Volleyball or kick around a soccer ball. I need someone who can do that with me.
12. Musically diverse
I like a lot of different kinds of music. Recently I've been dabbling in "indie pop" but who knows what I'll like next week
13. Neat
I'm really messy and I need someone to remind me to clean
14. Strong in her convictions
I have very, very strong opinions and I need someone who can stand their ground even if they disagree with me.
15. Queer
I'm odd. I don't want the standard edition of anything. And by queer I do not mean "not straight." I mean "against the standard norm." Believe it or not there's even a standard norm for gay people. I don't want it. This includes being open to non-monogamy and polyamory.
16. Believes in the supernatural
I believe there are things that even reason cannot solve. I am not saying believing in a deity necessarily because I still don't know that I do but just believes there's more than what we see
17. Avid Reader
I like reading. And I like writing. 'nough said.
18. Social Activist
This can be defined diversely. I'm not saying she's got to go join the nearest protest 'cause that's so not me and I will not be going with her BUT she needs to be socially concerned and willing to do SOMETHING about it.
19. Nonviolent
20. Chill personality
I need someone chill. I don't believe in getting all fired up for no good reason. That takes too much energy
21. Rationally emotional
By this I mean she makes her decisions using reason while simultaneously following her heart
22. Willing to talk about life in a philosophical lens
I want someone who I can toss around some tough questions with and even though there is no correct answer I still want to be able to talk about it
23. Drinks
I can't be someone who doesn't drink. I'd feel so guilty every time I had a beer
24. Non-judgemental
25. Brilliant
I need to be with someone intelligent or else I will walk all over them.
But I've learned that Karen isn't explicitly what I want. But she's basically Dream Girl #1. Like one version of the kind of girl I'd like. (I'd like to say now that I respect all women and I think there's beauty in all of us. I do not mean to disrespect anyone. This is just a list of attributes I personally find attractive)
1. "Feminine" in appearance but not stereotypically.
What I mean by this: She might wear dresses and have long hair but she takes her whiskey straight up and only dances after I ask her to. She can fix a car anytime, anywhere and isn't afraid of getting her hands dirty.
2. Loves comic books. Preferably Marvel. Preferably X-Men geek.
I love comic books and I want someone to geek out with. I hate going to the movies and knowing I'm the only one who knows what they got "right" and what they got "wrong
3. Loves theatre
I've given so much of my life to theatre. I love plays and Caryl Churchill, Jose Rivera, Sarah Kane, Maria Irene Fornes, Griselda Gambaro...those are a few of the writers of my sacred texts. Since she's my "dream girl" which means she's not necessarily real I can get specific. I want her to work in the scene shop and love lights. She does lighting. It doesn't hurt if she can write as well.
4. Artsy
I really like going into random galleries and learning about art. I
5. Good dancer
She may not want to dance all the time but, when urged, she's a damn good dancer. And I'm not talking grinding. I'm talking salsa, ballroom, etc
6. Musician
(Again since she's make believe I can be specific) She can sing and play the piano. Throw in the violin and the cello and she's perfect.
7. Likes soccer
I'm not that into sports but I want someone is. Plus I do like the World Cup so the sport is preferably soccer. I hate football and she does too.
8. Sarcastic
I need someone who speaks sarcasm fluently
9. Bilingual
One language is not enough. She is fluent in Spanish (or Italian or French). She can also sign. She uses these languages with me so I can improve my skills and learn more.
10. Vivid Imagination
I get crazy. And my imagination is intense. So I need someone who can keep us
11. Active
Sometimes I like to go outside and toss around a Volleyball or kick around a soccer ball. I need someone who can do that with me.
12. Musically diverse
I like a lot of different kinds of music. Recently I've been dabbling in "indie pop" but who knows what I'll like next week
13. Neat
I'm really messy and I need someone to remind me to clean
14. Strong in her convictions
I have very, very strong opinions and I need someone who can stand their ground even if they disagree with me.
15. Queer
I'm odd. I don't want the standard edition of anything. And by queer I do not mean "not straight." I mean "against the standard norm." Believe it or not there's even a standard norm for gay people. I don't want it. This includes being open to non-monogamy and polyamory.
16. Believes in the supernatural
I believe there are things that even reason cannot solve. I am not saying believing in a deity necessarily because I still don't know that I do but just believes there's more than what we see
17. Avid Reader
I like reading. And I like writing. 'nough said.
18. Social Activist
This can be defined diversely. I'm not saying she's got to go join the nearest protest 'cause that's so not me and I will not be going with her BUT she needs to be socially concerned and willing to do SOMETHING about it.
19. Nonviolent
20. Chill personality
I need someone chill. I don't believe in getting all fired up for no good reason. That takes too much energy
21. Rationally emotional
By this I mean she makes her decisions using reason while simultaneously following her heart
22. Willing to talk about life in a philosophical lens
I want someone who I can toss around some tough questions with and even though there is no correct answer I still want to be able to talk about it
23. Drinks
I can't be someone who doesn't drink. I'd feel so guilty every time I had a beer
24. Non-judgemental
25. Brilliant
I need to be with someone intelligent or else I will walk all over them.
the apology
I sat on the corner of grace and memory
Stereo blazing hoping one day you might stop and listen
To this broken heart knock hard against the concrete
Through my chest and against the pavement
Establishing the beat of yesterday’s news and aged old dues
Of times when angels and demons ran through the forest
That was me and you and our love was crazy beautiful new.
And while I was painting the sidewalks of regret with “I’m sorry”
I heard an angel whisper in my ear, “No, not yet.”
Like a child I threw it all away, tossed my spray cans on asphalt
And flew. A thousand miles too soon, I ran like the fire in heart
Might leap through the engine and into my dementia.
Terrified, I forced out my wings and cruised through centuries of guilt
Wondering what might happen, what might come to be
If I ever returned to that fateful corner that painted across you
And me. And forever intertwining the destiny of whatever dreams
We chose to believe. And while you danced on burning coal waiting—
Waiting for some sacred chance that I might return and steal you
From the hell in which I had willingly and knowingly locked you within
I hid beneath the shipwreck of what could’ve been, of what would’ve been
If I had only taken the chance, the one moment to be still and remember
Remember those tear filled nights we stayed up all night listening
To the demons scrape the glass and the walls close in, breathing so heavily
That fog expanded out of the room connecting us two, eternally linked
And as our very souls cried out for grace, the bleeding knives asked for
Just—one—more—taste.
And fighting through the darkness, my addiction, my newest affliction
Became you and the way your hair fell gently across your face like the curtain
Hiding us forever away from the excruciating minutes that would lead to this
To you and me being just you and just me
To living like sirens only craving what could never again be
Because I was too afraid
To stand and say it. To admit it. To face it.
To see myself for who I was and who I’ll forever be
To love you for everything that you were and that you could be
To believe that nothing could stop us because nothing could catch us.
And like a fool, I let it all seep out onto the acid of distance, the illusion of miles
Believing, naively, that my heart and my mind could not connect, never to intersect
That reason could surpass love, as if reason could surpass me,
Surpass the inexplicable force that’s pushing your beating heart into my chest
Granting me those extra few seconds just to breathe, just to think—
And as I sit here, writing your name in crimson across the intersection of what I’ve done
and who I am to become,
I pray you take a second to listen and know, if only for a moment,
That within my every exhale, the following inhale will come from the dream of us
That same wonderful beautiful dream that I’m still tasting in my mind
In my hands, across in chest, and into the stream of the circulation that keeps this broken
heart beating
Beating so hard the resounding echoes still call your name.
Stereo blazing hoping one day you might stop and listen
To this broken heart knock hard against the concrete
Through my chest and against the pavement
Establishing the beat of yesterday’s news and aged old dues
Of times when angels and demons ran through the forest
That was me and you and our love was crazy beautiful new.
And while I was painting the sidewalks of regret with “I’m sorry”
I heard an angel whisper in my ear, “No, not yet.”
Like a child I threw it all away, tossed my spray cans on asphalt
And flew. A thousand miles too soon, I ran like the fire in heart
Might leap through the engine and into my dementia.
Terrified, I forced out my wings and cruised through centuries of guilt
Wondering what might happen, what might come to be
If I ever returned to that fateful corner that painted across you
And me. And forever intertwining the destiny of whatever dreams
We chose to believe. And while you danced on burning coal waiting—
Waiting for some sacred chance that I might return and steal you
From the hell in which I had willingly and knowingly locked you within
I hid beneath the shipwreck of what could’ve been, of what would’ve been
If I had only taken the chance, the one moment to be still and remember
Remember those tear filled nights we stayed up all night listening
To the demons scrape the glass and the walls close in, breathing so heavily
That fog expanded out of the room connecting us two, eternally linked
And as our very souls cried out for grace, the bleeding knives asked for
Just—one—more—taste.
And fighting through the darkness, my addiction, my newest affliction
Became you and the way your hair fell gently across your face like the curtain
Hiding us forever away from the excruciating minutes that would lead to this
To you and me being just you and just me
To living like sirens only craving what could never again be
Because I was too afraid
To stand and say it. To admit it. To face it.
To see myself for who I was and who I’ll forever be
To love you for everything that you were and that you could be
To believe that nothing could stop us because nothing could catch us.
And like a fool, I let it all seep out onto the acid of distance, the illusion of miles
Believing, naively, that my heart and my mind could not connect, never to intersect
That reason could surpass love, as if reason could surpass me,
Surpass the inexplicable force that’s pushing your beating heart into my chest
Granting me those extra few seconds just to breathe, just to think—
And as I sit here, writing your name in crimson across the intersection of what I’ve done
and who I am to become,
I pray you take a second to listen and know, if only for a moment,
That within my every exhale, the following inhale will come from the dream of us
That same wonderful beautiful dream that I’m still tasting in my mind
In my hands, across in chest, and into the stream of the circulation that keeps this broken
heart beating
Beating so hard the resounding echoes still call your name.
Moral Code of Ethics: Overview
(I always say I hold myself to “higher moral code” than most people. But I realized I never explicitly said what that means. So here is my first attempt to write my creed of beliefs. I am sure I will come back to this many times.)
I believe in human dignity and that every human has the innate right to shelter, food, education, and water. Under this belief, I also believe that all human beings deserve a proper burial and respectful death. I do not believe in masquerading dead bodies, no matter whose body it is. I do not believe in murder of any kind, other than mercy killing. Without the consent of the human being, I do not believe it is right or just to take another’s life.
I believe in choice. I believe one human being cannot tell another what to do with their body in ANY form. (By this I mean that I am “pro-choice” but also I’d like point out that I am also “anti-abortion.” While I, myself, do not believe abortion is the best choice, I understand and respect the reasons for why a person might want one and do not think it’s my place to tell them what to do with their own bodies. I do not think abortion is murder as I believe life is not established until birth)
I believe in freedom of thought. I will not impose my beliefs on anyone else’s and will respect every other ideology, religion, and etc so as long as it does directly go against my code of ethics. I respect all opinions even if I viciously disagree with them.
I believe in morality for the sake of morality. For example, I choose to do the right thing because it is the right thing to do. Not because of some promised paradise or nirvana, etc. I choose to follow my moral code ethics regardless of the existence of a deity. Whether or not there is a deity, I will live my life as such out of my respect for humanity.
I believe in the value of being honest and will try my best to be as honest as I can. This includes but is not limited to telling the truth, never stealing, etc.
I believe in the pursuit of dreams. I will not mock another’s dreams no matter what.
I believe in moderation.
I believe in control over one’s emotions. This can stem from meditation in whichever form (meditation, silence, yoga…I choose to be alone for at least an hour everyday in which I am with my thoughts and music). I believe in avoiding anger as well deep sadness to the best of my abilities. At my best I believe I should be between deep contemplation and emotionally void. I believe in maintaining a calm demeanor even in the most stressful situations.
I believe in reason and will not make a decision without rationally considering the options. This will even include “simple” decisions such as whether or not I am monogamous and if my partner is the best match for me.
I believe in the healing powers of music, literature, writing, and art.
I believe in the preservation of the body. I believe self mutilation is immoral and not an appropriate path to inner peace. While I remain respectful of those who decide to do it as it is their decision and not mine, I believe that the body should be celebrated rather than destroyed. (To be clear I believe that tattoos and piercings are a forms of art work and therefore not mutilation)
On the note of the body should be celebrated: I do not believe in abstinence as in the long run it is damaging to the body. On that same note, I believe in celebrating sexuality rather than restraining and ignoring it. Again, because I believe in moderation, I personally will restrain from my definition of promiscuity but do not believe it to be immoral.
I believe in equal rights for women, the queer community, immigrants (across the globe), all religious identities, all gender identities, and all other marginalized groups across the globe.
I believe in peace. I do not believe violence solves anything or works towards peace. I do not support war, ever. War solves nothing. It only proves who has stronger brute force. With that said, I respect every soldier who goes out into the battlefield and risks his or her life for his or her country. My problem is not with the army as those are just "men taking orders." My problem is with war and the politicians who demand it. (I will write out my Moral Code of Ethics: Politics later)
I believe in freedom. Slavery in all of its forms is immoral.
I believe in fighting for my beliefs in whatever forum I can. (I choose writing and volunteering)
I believe in the power of education. People can change if they can learn why and how whatever action they are doing is wrong.
I believe in human dignity and that every human has the innate right to shelter, food, education, and water. Under this belief, I also believe that all human beings deserve a proper burial and respectful death. I do not believe in masquerading dead bodies, no matter whose body it is. I do not believe in murder of any kind, other than mercy killing. Without the consent of the human being, I do not believe it is right or just to take another’s life.
I believe in choice. I believe one human being cannot tell another what to do with their body in ANY form. (By this I mean that I am “pro-choice” but also I’d like point out that I am also “anti-abortion.” While I, myself, do not believe abortion is the best choice, I understand and respect the reasons for why a person might want one and do not think it’s my place to tell them what to do with their own bodies. I do not think abortion is murder as I believe life is not established until birth)
I believe in freedom of thought. I will not impose my beliefs on anyone else’s and will respect every other ideology, religion, and etc so as long as it does directly go against my code of ethics. I respect all opinions even if I viciously disagree with them.
I believe in morality for the sake of morality. For example, I choose to do the right thing because it is the right thing to do. Not because of some promised paradise or nirvana, etc. I choose to follow my moral code ethics regardless of the existence of a deity. Whether or not there is a deity, I will live my life as such out of my respect for humanity.
I believe in the value of being honest and will try my best to be as honest as I can. This includes but is not limited to telling the truth, never stealing, etc.
I believe in the pursuit of dreams. I will not mock another’s dreams no matter what.
I believe in moderation.
I believe in control over one’s emotions. This can stem from meditation in whichever form (meditation, silence, yoga…I choose to be alone for at least an hour everyday in which I am with my thoughts and music). I believe in avoiding anger as well deep sadness to the best of my abilities. At my best I believe I should be between deep contemplation and emotionally void. I believe in maintaining a calm demeanor even in the most stressful situations.
I believe in reason and will not make a decision without rationally considering the options. This will even include “simple” decisions such as whether or not I am monogamous and if my partner is the best match for me.
I believe in the healing powers of music, literature, writing, and art.
I believe in the preservation of the body. I believe self mutilation is immoral and not an appropriate path to inner peace. While I remain respectful of those who decide to do it as it is their decision and not mine, I believe that the body should be celebrated rather than destroyed. (To be clear I believe that tattoos and piercings are a forms of art work and therefore not mutilation)
On the note of the body should be celebrated: I do not believe in abstinence as in the long run it is damaging to the body. On that same note, I believe in celebrating sexuality rather than restraining and ignoring it. Again, because I believe in moderation, I personally will restrain from my definition of promiscuity but do not believe it to be immoral.
I believe in equal rights for women, the queer community, immigrants (across the globe), all religious identities, all gender identities, and all other marginalized groups across the globe.
I believe in peace. I do not believe violence solves anything or works towards peace. I do not support war, ever. War solves nothing. It only proves who has stronger brute force. With that said, I respect every soldier who goes out into the battlefield and risks his or her life for his or her country. My problem is not with the army as those are just "men taking orders." My problem is with war and the politicians who demand it. (I will write out my Moral Code of Ethics: Politics later)
I believe in freedom. Slavery in all of its forms is immoral.
I believe in fighting for my beliefs in whatever forum I can. (I choose writing and volunteering)
I believe in the power of education. People can change if they can learn why and how whatever action they are doing is wrong.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Never Let Me Go
(For Bea)
I remember the way you’d dance on the edge of the earth
While the whole world stood still just to stand by your side.
And as angels lit your path through the darkness of depression
You would calmly glide, gracefully, across this stage called life.
And with your eyes shut so tight and your heart kept wide open
You’d somehow lift me into a trance, far away from the bruises
And the heartache that chased me down into Neverland.
Just like Tink, you’d send your dust and we’d be up and away
Not for an instant daring to even touch the ground because we knew—
We knew the second we did the truth would come rushing in
Force us to face our flaws, confront our demons, and live—just live.
But we didn’t know how.
So we jumped across rooftops and waltzed along the moon
Hands held so tightly together our fingerprints forever kissed
Stealing away our souls as they blended together, forever one.
So close our heart raced to the same cadence, to the same beat
So close our dreams bled into the day, crept into our minds
So close that our very fantasies leaked into our circulation
That same circulation that breathed life into me and out of you—
I remember wishing on endless nights under countless stars
That somehow you’d think of me kindly, jump from your heaven
And come home. Break through the laws set up by physics and religion
Kick open the grave and dance your way back into me.
And like a child I kept my fingers crossed and my teddy bear close
Holding on so tightly I felt my arm bend into my ribcage, praying—
And with a thousand tears I slid into a new delirium like one we’ve never known
Just breathing in the madness these people call living while I waited (I’m still waiting).
And as my bones break in the silence and my feet ache from the ritual that was us,
I’ll learn to dance back into your light, back into what can never be
Because deep in my core, I know you are sneaking into my shadow
Still following my simple step, listening in to the rhyme of my broken strings
Patiently waiting for the final hour, the beautiful end to a perfect fate
That’s tied me and you and you and I so close that in my every breath
I breathe you.
I remember the way you’d dance on the edge of the earth
While the whole world stood still just to stand by your side.
And as angels lit your path through the darkness of depression
You would calmly glide, gracefully, across this stage called life.
And with your eyes shut so tight and your heart kept wide open
You’d somehow lift me into a trance, far away from the bruises
And the heartache that chased me down into Neverland.
Just like Tink, you’d send your dust and we’d be up and away
Not for an instant daring to even touch the ground because we knew—
We knew the second we did the truth would come rushing in
Force us to face our flaws, confront our demons, and live—just live.
But we didn’t know how.
So we jumped across rooftops and waltzed along the moon
Hands held so tightly together our fingerprints forever kissed
Stealing away our souls as they blended together, forever one.
So close our heart raced to the same cadence, to the same beat
So close our dreams bled into the day, crept into our minds
So close that our very fantasies leaked into our circulation
That same circulation that breathed life into me and out of you—
I remember wishing on endless nights under countless stars
That somehow you’d think of me kindly, jump from your heaven
And come home. Break through the laws set up by physics and religion
Kick open the grave and dance your way back into me.
And like a child I kept my fingers crossed and my teddy bear close
Holding on so tightly I felt my arm bend into my ribcage, praying—
And with a thousand tears I slid into a new delirium like one we’ve never known
Just breathing in the madness these people call living while I waited (I’m still waiting).
And as my bones break in the silence and my feet ache from the ritual that was us,
I’ll learn to dance back into your light, back into what can never be
Because deep in my core, I know you are sneaking into my shadow
Still following my simple step, listening in to the rhyme of my broken strings
Patiently waiting for the final hour, the beautiful end to a perfect fate
That’s tied me and you and you and I so close that in my every breath
I breathe you.
at my most beautiful
excerpt.
Summary:
Elise’s body is found in her dorm after committing suicide. Her ghost returns to the dorm room, explaining her reasons for killing herself ranging from a broken heart to school pressures. As she narrates the story of her life, she meet a few different influential characters all appearing by the girl who she could never forget.
scene:
When lights rise, the stage is empty. In the distance a soft and sad song is playing. Jess slowly walks on stage, doing a slow dance similar to a ballet. She dances all around the stage. She is in all white.
JESS
She danced on the edge of her dreams, tracing regrets with her fingertips painting tall tales with her toes wondering sadly had her heart been hers could she break it again?
She colored her wings with ink dressed the part, sang their songs learned their step, learned their speak but night always came; it’s always the same. Will she break again?
The shadows know her by name street lights, car fumes, and stop signs rusted concrete, full moons and taunting stars teasing whispers, short breaths, and lying girls:
Elise enters watching Jess incredulously. While Elise talks, Jess talks under her. Jess should talk rhythmically almost to the point of singing but not quite.
ELISE
But I guess some things, like anything good, can’t last. We were great for a really long time. Talking every night, talking about everything that we could. Finally admitting all the things we had never said before. How, yeah, maybe our relationship was a bit unhealthy and yeah maybe we were just pushing our luck hoping and begging a praying we’d work out in the end. And I guess I should’ve known that some people just don’t change. They don’t know how. But I didn’t want to. Jess had always been my saving grace. Behind the suicides, behind my crazy parents, behind the stupid boys, behind incomplete test, behind the blackouts. Behind the music, the symphony of us resounding in my head, behind everything I knew to be true (turning to Jess) there was you.
JESS
I’m not one for words. I’m no angel in disguise. I’ll never let you in first. I’ll never fall for your lies. I won’t say I love you. I promise not to ever care. I’ll dance on my own and I’ll always leave alone. Pass me no dress. Turn back in the tux. I won’t wait, heartbroken, for your fated return. Turn off the lights. I’m not coming home.. Don’t fall too soon and leave your bags by the door. I’m braver than most when it comes this. You’re smarter than this when it comes us. (Elise should talk longer than Jess. While Elise is finishing, Jess should go back to dancing and humming a slow but not sad song)
After Elise finishes, Jess reaches for her hand, trying to get Elise to join her dance. Elise refuses. After a few tries, Jess exits the stage.
ELISE
Thing is, Jess forgot to mention while we were pouring our hearts out to each other, that she was engaged. That’s right. Engaged. She didn’t try to sneak it in or anything. Actually she didn’t really even tell me. Facebook did. It’s a whole other level of messed up.
Blackout
Summary:
Elise’s body is found in her dorm after committing suicide. Her ghost returns to the dorm room, explaining her reasons for killing herself ranging from a broken heart to school pressures. As she narrates the story of her life, she meet a few different influential characters all appearing by the girl who she could never forget.
scene:
When lights rise, the stage is empty. In the distance a soft and sad song is playing. Jess slowly walks on stage, doing a slow dance similar to a ballet. She dances all around the stage. She is in all white.
JESS
She danced on the edge of her dreams, tracing regrets with her fingertips painting tall tales with her toes wondering sadly had her heart been hers could she break it again?
She colored her wings with ink dressed the part, sang their songs learned their step, learned their speak but night always came; it’s always the same. Will she break again?
The shadows know her by name street lights, car fumes, and stop signs rusted concrete, full moons and taunting stars teasing whispers, short breaths, and lying girls:
Elise enters watching Jess incredulously. While Elise talks, Jess talks under her. Jess should talk rhythmically almost to the point of singing but not quite.
ELISE
But I guess some things, like anything good, can’t last. We were great for a really long time. Talking every night, talking about everything that we could. Finally admitting all the things we had never said before. How, yeah, maybe our relationship was a bit unhealthy and yeah maybe we were just pushing our luck hoping and begging a praying we’d work out in the end. And I guess I should’ve known that some people just don’t change. They don’t know how. But I didn’t want to. Jess had always been my saving grace. Behind the suicides, behind my crazy parents, behind the stupid boys, behind incomplete test, behind the blackouts. Behind the music, the symphony of us resounding in my head, behind everything I knew to be true (turning to Jess) there was you.
JESS
I’m not one for words. I’m no angel in disguise. I’ll never let you in first. I’ll never fall for your lies. I won’t say I love you. I promise not to ever care. I’ll dance on my own and I’ll always leave alone. Pass me no dress. Turn back in the tux. I won’t wait, heartbroken, for your fated return. Turn off the lights. I’m not coming home.. Don’t fall too soon and leave your bags by the door. I’m braver than most when it comes this. You’re smarter than this when it comes us. (Elise should talk longer than Jess. While Elise is finishing, Jess should go back to dancing and humming a slow but not sad song)
After Elise finishes, Jess reaches for her hand, trying to get Elise to join her dance. Elise refuses. After a few tries, Jess exits the stage.
ELISE
Thing is, Jess forgot to mention while we were pouring our hearts out to each other, that she was engaged. That’s right. Engaged. She didn’t try to sneak it in or anything. Actually she didn’t really even tell me. Facebook did. It’s a whole other level of messed up.
Blackout
Para Tener Las Alas
Summary: About the disappearances, rapes, and murders in Juarez, Mexico...as well as human trafficking around the world
Scene: Mientras que tú dormías…
The stage is poorly lit. The audience should be able to se figures in the dark but shouldn’t be able to make it what is happening clearly. None of the scene should be perfectly clear. It should always be ambiguous what is happening on stage. During the scene, slow music should be playing on either a guitar or piano. It should be consistent with the theme of the music so far in the piece. While Adriana talks, the audience should see the following. A woman and a man on stage although they should not be able to make out who it is. The man should walk up to the woman and get her to dance with him.
ADRIANA
They say what happens in the dark eventually comes into the light. That’s how it’s supposed to work right? Good always triumphs over evil. The lost will be found. All will be made right. Right? Huh. Where? Not in Italy. Not in Spain. Not in China. Not in Brazil. Argentina. Colombia. Japan. Thailand. India. The Phillipines. Russia. Austria. Not in Germany. Greece, or Switzerland.
The man and woman in the background begin to fight. The man throws her on the ground and starts to hit her continuously. The woman fights back.
ADRIANA
Not in Mexico. Not even in the United States of America. It’s everywhere. What’s more valuable than life? Sex, apparently. Oh and drugs. Animal abuse and cockfighting. And abortion. And immigration. Legislators around the world are fighting over international affairs. How do we all get along? Fighting over equality and equal opportunity. (lets out an incredulous laugh) Equality? My ass.
The man pins the woman down. He begins to rape her. She yells in Spanish. (Again it should not be entirely clear what he is doing. Also the woman’s yells should be heard but Adriana should still be clearly understood)
ADRIANA
It’s not safe anywhere. Not for your wives. Your daughters. Your sisters. Your friends. It’s everywhere. And no one’s listening. Women across the world—crying, begging, yearning—no one’s listening.
The man exits the stage leaving the woman on the ground. She should crawl around on the floor trying to get up but can’t. The man returns with a gun in his hand. A gunshot is heard. The woman falls still.
ADRIANA
It’s been happening for years. Decades. Centuries. We keep pretending like we’re surprised. We’re not surprised. No one’s surprised. Not really.
Blackout.
Scene: Split stage. Blanca is preparing the dinner table on one side of the stage. On the other, Lucia wanders through the desert. She should look exhausted but determined. In this scene, again a guitar should be playing
LUCIA
Dios, si usted está escuchando
Touch the earth with your grace.
Call us back into your realm.
Hear her heart beat against the desert sand
And breathe peace into her beaten core
BLANCA
Dios, si usted está escuchando
Send your angels down and guard our lost souls.
Send down your soldiers and fight for our girls.
Hear our steady heartbeats praising you—eternally.
Grant us heaven on earth, a moment of peace.
LUCIA
Dios, si usted está escuchando
Hear a modest woman’s prayer, bless me with your wisdom
That I may bleed your wine and land in your palms
That she may live another day, just another moment to breathe
Another inhalation of hope, of trust, of faith
BLANCA
Dios, si usted está escuchando
Desert us not in these wretched times.
Grant us mercy for we are only lost souls
Searching for Canaan.
LUCIA and BLANCA
Dios, si usted está escuchando
Send our prayers to our mother
Both women sit down helplessly. Blanca sits down in a chair and Lucia sits down on the ground, exasperated. Lucia speaks in Spanish while Blanca speaks in English.
LUCIA/BLANCA
Santa María, Madre de Dios,
ruega por nosotros, pecadores,
ahora y en la hora de nuestra muerte.
Holy Mary, mother of God,
pray for us sinners,
now, and in the hour of our death
Scene: Mientras que tú dormías…
The stage is poorly lit. The audience should be able to se figures in the dark but shouldn’t be able to make it what is happening clearly. None of the scene should be perfectly clear. It should always be ambiguous what is happening on stage. During the scene, slow music should be playing on either a guitar or piano. It should be consistent with the theme of the music so far in the piece. While Adriana talks, the audience should see the following. A woman and a man on stage although they should not be able to make out who it is. The man should walk up to the woman and get her to dance with him.
ADRIANA
They say what happens in the dark eventually comes into the light. That’s how it’s supposed to work right? Good always triumphs over evil. The lost will be found. All will be made right. Right? Huh. Where? Not in Italy. Not in Spain. Not in China. Not in Brazil. Argentina. Colombia. Japan. Thailand. India. The Phillipines. Russia. Austria. Not in Germany. Greece, or Switzerland.
The man and woman in the background begin to fight. The man throws her on the ground and starts to hit her continuously. The woman fights back.
ADRIANA
Not in Mexico. Not even in the United States of America. It’s everywhere. What’s more valuable than life? Sex, apparently. Oh and drugs. Animal abuse and cockfighting. And abortion. And immigration. Legislators around the world are fighting over international affairs. How do we all get along? Fighting over equality and equal opportunity. (lets out an incredulous laugh) Equality? My ass.
The man pins the woman down. He begins to rape her. She yells in Spanish. (Again it should not be entirely clear what he is doing. Also the woman’s yells should be heard but Adriana should still be clearly understood)
ADRIANA
It’s not safe anywhere. Not for your wives. Your daughters. Your sisters. Your friends. It’s everywhere. And no one’s listening. Women across the world—crying, begging, yearning—no one’s listening.
The man exits the stage leaving the woman on the ground. She should crawl around on the floor trying to get up but can’t. The man returns with a gun in his hand. A gunshot is heard. The woman falls still.
ADRIANA
It’s been happening for years. Decades. Centuries. We keep pretending like we’re surprised. We’re not surprised. No one’s surprised. Not really.
Blackout.
Scene: Split stage. Blanca is preparing the dinner table on one side of the stage. On the other, Lucia wanders through the desert. She should look exhausted but determined. In this scene, again a guitar should be playing
LUCIA
Dios, si usted está escuchando
Touch the earth with your grace.
Call us back into your realm.
Hear her heart beat against the desert sand
And breathe peace into her beaten core
BLANCA
Dios, si usted está escuchando
Send your angels down and guard our lost souls.
Send down your soldiers and fight for our girls.
Hear our steady heartbeats praising you—eternally.
Grant us heaven on earth, a moment of peace.
LUCIA
Dios, si usted está escuchando
Hear a modest woman’s prayer, bless me with your wisdom
That I may bleed your wine and land in your palms
That she may live another day, just another moment to breathe
Another inhalation of hope, of trust, of faith
BLANCA
Dios, si usted está escuchando
Desert us not in these wretched times.
Grant us mercy for we are only lost souls
Searching for Canaan.
LUCIA and BLANCA
Dios, si usted está escuchando
Send our prayers to our mother
Both women sit down helplessly. Blanca sits down in a chair and Lucia sits down on the ground, exasperated. Lucia speaks in Spanish while Blanca speaks in English.
LUCIA/BLANCA
Santa María, Madre de Dios,
ruega por nosotros, pecadores,
ahora y en la hora de nuestra muerte.
Holy Mary, mother of God,
pray for us sinners,
now, and in the hour of our death
the delirium of sophie carlyle
Summary of the delirium:
In a not so distant future in an urban metropolis, Sophie Carlyle and her family live in highly militarized world that has outlawed religious choice, sexual preference, and racial difference. Sophie, an Asian American in her mid teens, struggles to satisfy both her mother and her boyfriend, Edgar. In the midst of her dilemma, she and Lily, a biracial teenager, find love in a secret space. Meanwhile the officials of this world begin to investigate Sophie because of her difference.
While dreaming, Sophie envisions a world where she has choice. In her delirious state, she can openly love Lily and her “technical boyfriend” introduces her to poetry, which had previously been outlawed. Similarly the officials are trying to prepare Sophie for a return to reality.
Sophie wakes up and decides to rebel against the “moral code.” She stands up to her mom, breaks up with her boyfriend, and kisses Lily in public. Edgar notifies the officials who then arrest and kill her. Following her death, both Lily and Sophie’s mom decide to continue the rebellion.
scene iii. Lights rise on the stage. Sophie, Lily, Officer 1, and Officer 2 are in a classroom. Officer 1, Officer 2, and Lily stand on different sides of the stage while Sophie, who is facing the audience sits in her chair, confused. She is attempting to take notes but her face should reflect her struggle to understand. The lines in this scene are staggered but almost simultaneous. As one actor finishes his or her line, he or she goes directly to the next line.
OFFICER 1
tan hermosa como la subida del sol
OFFICER 2
as true as the twilight sky
LILY
as vibrant as a heartbeat.
OFFICER 1
tan verdad como por siempre
OFFICER 2
as young as time
LILY
as lasting as the sunset
OFFICER 1
tan verdad como el aire
OFFICER 2
as enchanting as a dream
LILY
as sweet as honey
OFFICER 1
tan cerca como cielo
OFFICER 2
as close as heaven
LILY
as close as heaven.
In a not so distant future in an urban metropolis, Sophie Carlyle and her family live in highly militarized world that has outlawed religious choice, sexual preference, and racial difference. Sophie, an Asian American in her mid teens, struggles to satisfy both her mother and her boyfriend, Edgar. In the midst of her dilemma, she and Lily, a biracial teenager, find love in a secret space. Meanwhile the officials of this world begin to investigate Sophie because of her difference.
While dreaming, Sophie envisions a world where she has choice. In her delirious state, she can openly love Lily and her “technical boyfriend” introduces her to poetry, which had previously been outlawed. Similarly the officials are trying to prepare Sophie for a return to reality.
Sophie wakes up and decides to rebel against the “moral code.” She stands up to her mom, breaks up with her boyfriend, and kisses Lily in public. Edgar notifies the officials who then arrest and kill her. Following her death, both Lily and Sophie’s mom decide to continue the rebellion.
scene iii. Lights rise on the stage. Sophie, Lily, Officer 1, and Officer 2 are in a classroom. Officer 1, Officer 2, and Lily stand on different sides of the stage while Sophie, who is facing the audience sits in her chair, confused. She is attempting to take notes but her face should reflect her struggle to understand. The lines in this scene are staggered but almost simultaneous. As one actor finishes his or her line, he or she goes directly to the next line.
OFFICER 1
tan hermosa como la subida del sol
OFFICER 2
as true as the twilight sky
LILY
as vibrant as a heartbeat.
OFFICER 1
tan verdad como por siempre
OFFICER 2
as young as time
LILY
as lasting as the sunset
OFFICER 1
tan verdad como el aire
OFFICER 2
as enchanting as a dream
LILY
as sweet as honey
OFFICER 1
tan cerca como cielo
OFFICER 2
as close as heaven
LILY
as close as heaven.
Threshold excerpt
Summary of the play:
While in the hospital after a suicide attempt, Lily, captain of the swim team, tries to piece together the events of what had happened two weeks before her attempt. She is almost sure that she was sexually assaulted but remains uncertain through most of the play. As she tries to piece together the events and begins to understand what has happened to her, she reflects on her teammates, Seth, Karen, and Chris, who almost work as angels helping her navigate through the pain of what happened. She reflects on specific events in which at some point Chris, her boyfriend, Karen, her best friend, and Seth, Karen’s boyfriend, were there for support as well as times they were not.
During the (re)piecing of her memory, she is visited by Death, an angel who has come to convince her to wake up and fight for her life. Originally extremely resilient, Lily refuses to wake up. Death convinces her the only way to work through what has happened is to wake up. Lily finally wakes up, shows up a swim meet and takes Damien, her swim coach, to court because of the incident.
Step Two: Guilt
(Lily, Karen, Seth, and Chris are all at swim practice. Damien is front center, talking about times and techniques. His mouth should be moving but he shouldn’t be making a sound. While he’s not looking, Chris and Lily take another pill. Karen and Seth should be looking at Damien attentively. Meanwhile, eventually Chris and Lily should daze off. While dazed, Chris enters Lily’s dream. They both speak poetically and not necessarily to each other. While they say their lines, they should be dancing a dance similar to the waltz. )
LILY
I dreamed a waltz.
CHRIS
I dreamed of you.
LILY
The words dance at the sound of your voice and my heart slowly picks up the pace.
CHRIS
Across the valley beyond the stars, and beneath the tides of forgotten hell, cast your spell.
LILY
My dreams crumble at the core but you’re simply just losing face
CHRIS
Behind the concrete of yesterday’s news beneath the trouble of tomorrow’s dues slide beneath the ocean floor. Shut the window. Close the door.
LILY
I’ve held my ground. I’ve always been perfectly clear. You are falling apart.
CHRIS
Slither into my light. Walk to the edge. Call out my name. I’ll chase you forever—always.
LILY
I can taste goodbye slipping from my tongue but you-You stand there, arms crossed. Insistent.
CHRIS
Send me your test—send me your worst. Forever I’ll stand.
LILY
I’m deteriorating into the darkness. I’ve completely lost my way.
CHRIS
Within the forest, deep within this heart of mine: do you hear me beat? Soothe your fears to sleep. But just for tonight. Breathe me in close.
LILY
(to Chris) Something about this place keeps calling me back. This place was my home. But he broke in like a thief in the night stealing me from my throne, from my love.
CHRIS
(to Lily) Deeper than trust, stronger than faith, search me throughout—come on. Show me. Show me your truth. Show me true face. Show me, show me, show me—you. Exhale you. Inhale me.
LILY
They’re begging me to stay but my spirit is crashing against the chlorine floor. You’re disappearing into the wind. My oxygen is running out.
CHRIS
Darker than regret, purer than light, kinder than heaven, stranger than fact, rush into this madness. I’ll pull you out. Retrieve what’s left of you here. Open your eyes.
(They stop dancing. Lily pushes away from Chris as she begins to move around the stage.)
CHRIS
Wake up, Lily. It’s time to wake up.
LILY
I’m not ready Chris.
CHRIS
Wake up.
While in the hospital after a suicide attempt, Lily, captain of the swim team, tries to piece together the events of what had happened two weeks before her attempt. She is almost sure that she was sexually assaulted but remains uncertain through most of the play. As she tries to piece together the events and begins to understand what has happened to her, she reflects on her teammates, Seth, Karen, and Chris, who almost work as angels helping her navigate through the pain of what happened. She reflects on specific events in which at some point Chris, her boyfriend, Karen, her best friend, and Seth, Karen’s boyfriend, were there for support as well as times they were not.
During the (re)piecing of her memory, she is visited by Death, an angel who has come to convince her to wake up and fight for her life. Originally extremely resilient, Lily refuses to wake up. Death convinces her the only way to work through what has happened is to wake up. Lily finally wakes up, shows up a swim meet and takes Damien, her swim coach, to court because of the incident.
Step Two: Guilt
(Lily, Karen, Seth, and Chris are all at swim practice. Damien is front center, talking about times and techniques. His mouth should be moving but he shouldn’t be making a sound. While he’s not looking, Chris and Lily take another pill. Karen and Seth should be looking at Damien attentively. Meanwhile, eventually Chris and Lily should daze off. While dazed, Chris enters Lily’s dream. They both speak poetically and not necessarily to each other. While they say their lines, they should be dancing a dance similar to the waltz. )
LILY
I dreamed a waltz.
CHRIS
I dreamed of you.
LILY
The words dance at the sound of your voice and my heart slowly picks up the pace.
CHRIS
Across the valley beyond the stars, and beneath the tides of forgotten hell, cast your spell.
LILY
My dreams crumble at the core but you’re simply just losing face
CHRIS
Behind the concrete of yesterday’s news beneath the trouble of tomorrow’s dues slide beneath the ocean floor. Shut the window. Close the door.
LILY
I’ve held my ground. I’ve always been perfectly clear. You are falling apart.
CHRIS
Slither into my light. Walk to the edge. Call out my name. I’ll chase you forever—always.
LILY
I can taste goodbye slipping from my tongue but you-You stand there, arms crossed. Insistent.
CHRIS
Send me your test—send me your worst. Forever I’ll stand.
LILY
I’m deteriorating into the darkness. I’ve completely lost my way.
CHRIS
Within the forest, deep within this heart of mine: do you hear me beat? Soothe your fears to sleep. But just for tonight. Breathe me in close.
LILY
(to Chris) Something about this place keeps calling me back. This place was my home. But he broke in like a thief in the night stealing me from my throne, from my love.
CHRIS
(to Lily) Deeper than trust, stronger than faith, search me throughout—come on. Show me. Show me your truth. Show me true face. Show me, show me, show me—you. Exhale you. Inhale me.
LILY
They’re begging me to stay but my spirit is crashing against the chlorine floor. You’re disappearing into the wind. My oxygen is running out.
CHRIS
Darker than regret, purer than light, kinder than heaven, stranger than fact, rush into this madness. I’ll pull you out. Retrieve what’s left of you here. Open your eyes.
(They stop dancing. Lily pushes away from Chris as she begins to move around the stage.)
CHRIS
Wake up, Lily. It’s time to wake up.
LILY
I’m not ready Chris.
CHRIS
Wake up.
Revitalization
I am starting over.
From here on out here's what you can find on this blog:
1. Excerpts from my plays
2. Poems I really like
3. Random thoughts/Notes on life
4. Rants concerning theatre, life, whatever
Ready. Set. Go.
(Also a manifesto as well as my code of ethics to be coming later)
From here on out here's what you can find on this blog:
1. Excerpts from my plays
2. Poems I really like
3. Random thoughts/Notes on life
4. Rants concerning theatre, life, whatever
Ready. Set. Go.
(Also a manifesto as well as my code of ethics to be coming later)
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